7.31.2005
it's all about controlling your urges
Patience.
Unfortunately, I am not blessed with a long one.
240 down.
504 to go.
Suppose I can wait.
But it's frustrating because every second I waste, it drifts farther and farther away.
Reported @ 1:55 PM
7.17.2005
somebody stop the world from spinning
There are times when I feel like the world is...spinning around faster than it should be. And it scares me that each day pass by without me even realizing it...without me even getting closer to the answers that I seek. Sometimes it scares me because I want to do a lot of things, yet find that time is never at my side. And sometimes I'm scared because I feel like there is noone else who's willing to share these precious moments with me. So sometimes I just let them slip away, even if I never wanted to.
------
If only he could see me now.
If only he could talk to me now.
I wonder what he'll say.
"Thing's don't always go your way. It's a basic rule of life."
Perhaps.
Maybe he'll just laugh at all this...ridiculous, unexplainable feelings that I have.
But then, no one really did understand the way my mind works. My heart works.
No one like him.
Reported @ 4:17 PM
new layout
Inspired by the song Viva Rock by Orange Range, from the anime Naruto. Sorry about the colors. If you have any problems regarding the layout, please leave a message on my tagboard.
//note
the tagboard is currently unavailable, sorry. Please drop by again later
Reported @ 4:00 PM
7.16.2005
missing yesterday, missing memories, missing you
Home Sweet Home
Yuki
OST Naruto Movie 1
aruki tsukarete furidasu ame
tsukami soko neta usagi o otte
anata no me wa suki tooru
kurai umi no soko de iki o shite iru mizu
watashi o yonde yonde koko ni iru no yo
doko e ikeba ikeba mitasareru no?
uchi e kaero asu ni nareba
daijoubu tte waratte iru kana
namae o yonde yonde dakishimeru yo
omoidashite me o tojite osanai koro
tarinai tokoro o anata ga umete kureta
kanashii kimochi datte sa sugu wasurerareta kara
kowakunai yo
uso o tsuite koukai shite
watashi wa itsuka otona ni natta
haji o kaite ase o kaite
soredemo odori tsudzukeru riyuu
tamashii kogashite kogashite sakenderu yo
hiraite ikeba ikeba sukuwareru no
uchi e kaero shiroi usagi
tsuki no ura de aimashou
kaerou asu ni nareba
hadashi de waratte iru kara
watashi wa yonde yonde dakishimeru yo
omoidashite me o tojite osanai koro
aruki tsukarete furidasu ame
tsukami soko neta usagi o otte
anata no me wa suki tooru
kurai umi no soko de iki o shite iru mizu
namae o yonde yonde koko ni iru no yo
kokoro ni ieba ieba mitasareru no
translation
getting tired of walking, the rain that began to fall
I chase after the rabbit I couldn't catch
your eyes are like the clear water
breathing deep down in the ocean
call me, call me, I'm here
where can I go, to where, so that I'm satisfied?
let's go home, when tomorrow comes
will I be laughing saying that it's all ok?
call my name, call me, I'll embrace you
so close your eyes and remember those innocent times
you filled the parts I lacked in
because I was able to forget even sad feelings
I'm not afraid
lying, and regretting that
I became an adult someday
getting humiliated, sweating
but the reason for me to continue dancing
is burning, burning my soul and screams
if I continue, continue to open it I can be saved
let's go home, let's meet
behind the moon, white rabbit
let's return, when tomorrow comes
I'll be laughing barefeet
I'll call, call and embrace it
so close your eyes and remember those innocent times
getting tired of walking, the rain that began to fall
I chase after the rabbit I couldn't catch
your eyes are like the clear water
breathing deep down in the ocean
call my name, call me because I'm here
if I tell, tell my heart I'll be fulfilled
Someone...find me.
Bring me home.
Take me to that place...
second star to the right, and straight on 'til morning.
That place where everything will remain as is...
just like yesterday.
Cry.
That's all I'm good at.
You can't force tears to stop falling.
Maybe they will, on their own, someday.
But now...
Cry.
Just cry.
Reported @ 3:50 PM
7.15.2005
eros
He's always, always in my mind--not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being.
~Catherine Earnshaw on her love for Heathcliff, from Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights
I think that love...is dangerous at the level when it goes beyond any physical or emotional boundaries...threatening to consume your whole life, your soul. But such is the nature of love...it is not about pleasure, nor companionship...but beyond those that people conceive it to be. Love is when two souls assimilate into one, when one exist because of the existence of the other.
He's beyond mere obsession. He's alive in me, always, and will forever remain, in my heart, in my soul. I love him more than myself, and without him, I will remain nothing but a part of a whole.
Reported @ 5:28 PM
7.13.2005
Sri Krishna
"If the radiance of a thousand suns
Were to burst at once into the sky
That would be like the splendor of the Mighty one...
I am become Death,
The Shatterer of Worlds."
And perhaps, if Shiva comes, and chose to destroy this earth which we live in...He will rise from the ashes, and protect this now wretched world once again.
------
Disclaimer: The quote is from Bhagavad-Gita.
Reported @ 4:49 PM
7.12.2005
Divine Light, Savior of Mankind
Like an epiphany, he came to me...
wandering in wonderland(in lust)
I saw.
Are you Lucien?
A pause.
If I am, you'll know...
you'll know.
Silence. Fading into white.
I shall remain
Waiting here,
wandering in wonderland(in love)
I'll know...I'll know...
If you are the one I seek.
Divine Light, Savior of Mankind
------
The above entry is a rather unpoetic description of me hunting for...the perfect doll, the doll I will name Lucien.XD I think I saw him...but if it is him...I'm not quite sure. He will call out to me if he is the one I am looking for.
Reported @ 7:36 PM
7.11.2005
romancing gods and sociopaths
Helena
My Chemical Romance
Long ago
just like the hearse you die to get in again
we are so far from you
burning on just like the match you strike to incinerate
the lives of everyone you know
and what's the worst you take
from every heart you break
and like the blade you stain
well I've been holding on tonight
what's the worst that I can say?
things are better if I stay
so long and goodnight
so long and goodnight
came a time when every star falls
brought you to tears again
we are the very hurt you sold
and what's the worst you take
from every heart you break
and like the blade you stain
well I've been holding on tonight
whats the worst that I can say
things are better if I stay
so long and goodnight
so long and goodnight
and if you carry on this way
things are better if I stay
so long and goodnight
so long and goodnight
can you hear me?
are you near me?
can we pretend to leave and then
we'll meet again when both our cars collide
what's the worst that I can
things are better if I stay
so long and goodnight
so long and goodnight
and if you carry on this way
things are better if I stay
so long and goodnight
so long and goodnight
-----
Like a god he came,
except for the ethereal lights,
the angels' hymn
the curtain of smoke
like a god he went
in utter silence.
Reported @ 4:13 PM
7.10.2005
of gods and comic books
So I have locked away all my precious comic books in one chamber of my vast and unimaginably messy closet. Locked away with it any obsessions with former favorite fictional characters, dead or otherwise. I haven't been reading any comic book since, for the past three years. Or any thing related with them, fanfiction even.
And then the (false) gods of the comic universe activates the machina and I ended up reading strangely amusing rated(read: erotica) fanfiction from some esoteric(not entirely) site starring a certain dead(and will remain dead since he was never really real in the first place) favorite psuedo-hero of mine, paired with characters that I would never imagine him getting along with. It was...one hell of a good read.
Yes people. I shall now start writing erotica as well. Starring dead and fictional characters, since I realized that the only way to keep them alive is to tell their lives in ways never imagined before.
To hell with powers-that-be. I shall be the deus that will ex the machina. The unexpected solution. The God. The false God.
Ok. The above paragraph is only a joke(but jokes are half-meant).
Damn. I (badly) need to read another comic book again.
Reported @ 5:46 PM
7.02.2005
of puppets and evil little boys
Don't let the title mislead you.
I'm going to talk about the latest chapter of Naruto. Not of real puppets and real little boys per se.
Spoilers for those who haven't read chapter 266.
So the reason why Sakura was able to dodge Hiruiko's(I forgot if it's the right name of that scorpion puppet. will correct if I remembered it wrong) attacks was because Chiyo-baa manipulated her to with chakra strings...much like a puppeteer making a marionette dance. And I thought it was because Sakura was strong enough, agile enough, to dodge the attacks(but she was able to destroy the puppet nonetheless, so I guess she's that strong after all). Oh well. Should have looked at the panels more seriously than just scanning them after reading the captions.
Damn it. I want Naruto to kick Deidara's butt really hard. That androgynous bastard(I think Deidara's female, but some say otherwise). Calling him a little monster. Damn you, you freak. I want Naruto to slay everyone in the Akatsuki, plot be damned. They must pay for Gaara's demise.(warning: obsessed fan girl in the brink of losing her sanity.XD) Deidara, you ex-Hidden Village of the Rock shinobi, die!!!
Okay. Off to discussing evil little boys. Er, boy.
Sasori's real form is that of a cute 7-13 year old boy.
Ang kyut!!! 'Tang inang yan! Hirap patayin ng ganyan ka-cute na bata!!! was my exact reaction upon seeing him. The next thing that came to mind was WTF. He's supposed to be...at least 30 years old now. The third thought I had, upon staring at him more intently was He looks like an SD13 doll. WTF. Evil has a face, and it's so darn...adorable. <3. Ok. So I have a penchant for cute little boys. But. This one's evil. Evil, I say. He's heartbreakingly cute though. Fsck. I can almost imagine him saying, Me...demented puppeteer? *puppy dog eyes* Yes I am! I'm hell bent on ruling the world too(with puppets)! Ahahahaha! Die!!!, which is quite disturbing for a 7-to-13-year-old-looking-boy to say. Come to think of it, Naruto is getting quite disturbing chapter after chapter as well. What next, Deidara is actually a transvestite who is possessed by the soul of the real Deidara, who is really an asexual alien from Jupiter.XD
Seriously though. I think Sakura and Chiyo-baa will have a difficult time fighting with Sasori, and that he hasn't yet unveiled his true power(he did summoned the next marionette he'll be using in battle - which is the third Kazekage. I can't Imagine how he had turn the guy into a puppet, a soul-sealing jutsu perhaps. Which means that...for him to be able to do that...he's quite powerful).
Hm. That's it for now, it's getting late, and I don't want to bore with all this nonsense. Besides, I think I'm beginning to sound like an idiot.XD
Reported @ 10:23 PM
